you know how sometimes you have a bad day and it seems like nothing is real and your lost for what direction your supposed to be going? well for as long as i can remember its been those days. by the time i looked back i couldn't see anything but those days behind me. it's been brought to my attention that this has started decieving my perceptions of reality. i knew it was but not to the extent it has been. so i must put out a hand fo apologie to everyone. i've been in a defensive stance preparing for lifes next leveling blow, but this has resulting in me attacking those close to me while believing they were out to hurt me in some way.
i wish i had more of my friends on lj so this would actually reach alot of those who have been witness/hurt by this behavior. i might not be around for awhile and again im sorry for that too. but its just not fair for me to hang in circles where i could be damaging to the people in them. i'm really lost right now. i thought i was doing right by my lady and by my friends but i guess i havent been. i'm so glad everyone has been so nice to me and made me feel welcome at all junctions, i wish i would have done better in returing the gesture. i guess i should take some substantial time alone and spend it in my head battling the many monster who reside there. i will miss you all and wish only the very best for you and yours in the upcoming year. i am truly sorry. and for those of you who i have brought any happyness to, fear not. hopefully and i will return bigger and better to shine even brighter light into your abmissal clay-less lifes. :)

peace out kiddos
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